I work with many mothers and mothers-to-be who are used to being relatively in control of their lives and their day-to-day happenings. I’m this way as well. I like to have a clear idea of what’s going to happen when, and a detailed plan for each day, life event, and major transition.
I have known and worked with many postpartum mothers who feel overwhelmed, lonely, sad, and even resentful about their situation. And on top of those feelings, they often have a layer of guilt and shame about even having such “ugly” emotions in the first place. They know they love their babies, but they often speak of wondering how they could feel so sad and anxious at the same time.
Can you guess what it is? If you’re a new parent, you’ve most likely received it multiple times. Chances are, you’ve also given it. I know I’ve given it to new moms too. And I don’t think the particular advice in itself is bad advice. It’s actually very logical. But it’s not enough because it won’t work for every new mama. Have you guessed what it is yet?
OK mama, you’ve got 30 minutes to yourself. Maybe your baby is napping. Maybe your best friend came over to hold the baby for you. Maybe your partner strapped the baby in a carrier and went for a walk. You should be happy, excited, thrilled…right? I don’t know about you, but as a mother to an infant (heck, even now as a mom to a 2- and 4- year old), I feel paralyzed in this situation.
I am a type A, organized, plan-ahead kind of person. Becoming a mother was something my husband and I had planned, yet I had anxiety about exactly how it would feel and how it would disrupt our happy status quo. Early in my pregnancy, I read countless books and did as much research as possible to prepare myself for pregnancy, birth, and the early days of having a newborn.