As most of you know the British royal baby Charlotte was born a couple of weeks ago. There was tons of media coverage, most of which I was blissfully oblivious to, but I did see one article by Amber Robinson over at Essential Baby.  You can read it here.  It is all about how Kate Middleton’s natural birth allowed her to leave the hospital 10 hours after her baby was born looking fabulous and pain free.  By all accounts it was a pretty innocuous article, but it did leave me with a little bit of uneasiness. One main point made by a midwife was that she likely had a natural labor which allowed for quicker recovery here’s a quote:

“…a relaxed and happy Kate leaving hospital with her family less than 12 hours after the princess was born.”

So, this led to me immediately feeling defensive that even though I had a natural water birth I was not feeling relaxed and happy or walking easily down stairs just hours after my daughter was born.  I was in pain and a little bit of shock about the experience of giving birth and becoming a mom literally over night.

Here’s another quote from the article:

“So there you have it. That beaming smile showed a mum high on love for her new bub, a feeling most of us can relate to.”

Actually I can’t relate to this feeling because I did not experience being “high on love” for months after my daughter was born.  I loved my daughter from the start, was deeply invested in providing her with as much safety and security as humanly possible, but I was not on any kind of high.  I was working every day to adjust to my new role.  I was wading through a muck filled marsh of complex emotions and sometimes dark thoughts.  I was becoming a mom. For me this was not blissful, and I would be willing to bet that I’m not alone.

I also want to be clear that I believe there are mothers who have blissful postpartum experiences – though I’m often skeptical of a mom who too quickly says things have been great.  I always wish I could firmly grab her shoulders and say, “no, I can handle it, tell me the truth!”  Then I check myself and allow for the possibility that she really did have a great experience.  Then I start thinking that she probably did have a great experience and it’s just me who had a hard time and that must mean that I am somehow not as good of a mother as her and…and…and…

Ok I’m back from the vortex of my negative thoughts.  You see how quickly doubt and self-criticism creep in though. So, back to Princess Charlotte’s arrival.  I think it’s wonderful that Duchess Middleton had such consistent midwifery care, had a positive (we think) birth experience, and felt well enough to face the world looking fabulous just hours after giving birth.

I also just want every woman who had any other experience than this to know that she doesn’t need to strive towards Kate Middleton’s postpartum recovery.  I want us all to be able to be honest with ourselves and others about what we’re going through.  I hope that we can allow ourselves time to heal and adjust without the image of the British Royal Family as the “right way” to do postpartum.  Whether you have a cesarean or an adoption, whether you’re rich or poor, or black or white, becoming a mother (and parent) is a huge transition that impacts us all profoundly.

Please continue to join us in sharing our truth regardless of whether it’s beautiful or messy.

#truthheals