When I say postpartum what comes to mind? Is it depression? I thought so. I think it says a lot about our society that the word postpartum has come to mean postpartum depression. Here are three bits of evidence to prove my point. Yes, this is very empirically based research.
1. After a conversation about my work as a postpartum therapist, a friend messaged me this: “I was just making dinner and thinking of your desire to work with ppd moms. I kind of wanted to talk with you about that today. What are your plans for that? Im sorry you went/are going through that…”
2. After sending an email asking for “postpartum stories” I got this response: ” I actually did not have postpartum. I had many friends that did but I never went through it.”
3. When talking with my mom about a friend’s challenges caring for her three young children my mom said “well she’s probably still postpartum.”
Thanks to my illustrations I’m sure you all understand the epidemic we’re facing of people inaccurately interpreting postpartum to mean postpartum depression. Blog post done.
No, you’re not satisfied, you’d like to hear more? The verdict is still out?
Google “postpartum” I’ll wait.
Ok, what did you find? What’s the first page filled with? Here’s what I found when I did this experiment: 4/9 websites in the search results are titled postpartum depression, 6 out of 9 websites are directly related to postpartum depression, and 8 out of 9 websites mention postpartum mood disorders in their description.
Don’t get me wrong we need to inform women about postpartum mental health issues. We need to connect women to reputable resources so they can get help to treat postpartum mental health issues, and we need to reduce shame and stigma around experiencing these issues.
And….
We need to find a way to talk about all of the experiences in between bliss and despair. Women’s experiences of becoming mothers do not fall into one category or another – it is not all good or all bad. If you are a mother you have probably wrestled with your ambivalence about becoming a mom. We want everyone’s voice to be heard in the discussion of women’s postpartum experience. I want to hear the stories of the new mama who felt prepared to become a mother and supported as she learned how to care for her babies. I need to hear the stories of those moms who struggled a bit to settle into motherhood, and I feel deep empathy for the many women who experience darkness as they battle mental health issues in the postpartum period. All of these experiences are true. All of these experiences are part of the narrative we need to weave into our understanding of what it’s like to become a mother.
Language is powerful and it is part of what makes humans human. I think it’s important to avoid ambiguity. When we talk about postpartum on this site, we are describing a time period – the period after a woman gives birth. Our definition of the postpartum period generally extends quite long – maybe a year or more which is a bit unconventional. We think of it as the time women are physically, psychologically, and emotionally adjusting to motherhood and recovering from birth. There is no one way to describe this experience for all women.
So, let’s honor each woman’s experience by being curious and compassionate. Let’s avoid assuming that when someone says she struggled in the postpartum period she means she had a diagnosed mental health issue. Let’s be honest with each other and admit that for many of us this transition was challenging, confusing, and lonely. Let’s learn from those who genuinely had the blissed-out experience so many of us hoped for, but felt robbed of. Let’s agree that becoming a mom is a complex experience. And while your here, let’s agree that postpartum means after birth.